Horoscopes for the week of Mar 31
Marilyn Minter communes with the planets
Aries The pattern in your planets this week darling is quite striking. It seems you have some pent up passion that never found its outlet. Things might have been feeling a little dull these days, but don’t despair – all of the ideas and energy that have been bubbling under the surface will come to a head. You just need to have confidence in yourself, and beware of those who will try to diminish the scope of your dreams.
Taurus The planets and I will let you in on a little secret: those who dance with the devil usually do so because they know they can keep up with him. You’ll have such an opportunity this moon cycle, darling, and it’s time to seize the moment. You might be faced with things outside of your comfort zone, but creative and personal risks will be rewarded.
Gemini Goodness, darling, I do apologize. Your current planets are … bleak, if I’m being honest. I tried a fair few times to craft a piece of advice for you, but I’m at a loss. I’ll leave you with this: many unscrupulous doctors still respond to the “hysterical woman” bit. If you can, I suggest getting your hands on some sedatives to ride out a bumpy few weeks. If all else fails, might I suggest a hot toddy?
Cancer Old grudges and insecurities are swiftly catching up with you, darling, and the only way you’ll shake them is to greet them with style. Make an entrance, and hold your head high. The planets say your confidence is not misplaced, and – for this week at least – you’ll be the only ally you need.
Leo If you don’t have a significant other at this time, darling, I must tell you these next few months could be a very adventurous era for you. Your stars will sparkle this spring and summer, making you more attractive to others. It likely won’t be a time to make true connections, but have fun! Flirting is an art, but it is also a contest. You’ll love the players, and they’ll love the game.
Virgo I sense your lover has been a little stiff this week darling, and not in a good way. Luckily, the planets indicate this is a temporary mood brought on by a project or problem that’s troubling them. You’ve tried playing the gentle, understanding housewife, but it’s time for some tough love, honey. Push them in the right direction – the answer will come to you both if you spark up a genuine discussion.
Libra There is a problem you’ve been living with, darling, for much too long. To resolve it, listen to advice from sources whom you might not typically turn to in a time of need. Wisdom this week could come from the young, the slutty and the dazzling just as well as it could come from the academic, the logical and the measured.
Scorpio The feelings that have been welling up lately have been almost childlike in their intensity, bright flames of passion over injustice, beauty, or love. Daring, they are irrational, but that does not mean they are unimportant. In youth, we know everything. Wisdom is the art of narrowing our focus to what will produce the best practical outcomes. Act on these feelings, darling – but do so strategically.
Sagittarius Gratitude looks good on everyone, darling, but I’m sorry to report that you’ve been on the worst-dressed list lately. The planets indicate that these might be lean times, but you’ve seen worse, and you will pass through this season with a renewed hardiness of spirit. My best advice is to connect with nature and meditate on everything you have managed to scrounge up for yourself in this beautiful, devastating world.
Capricorn You need a stage, darling! It is absolutely time for you to be the center of attention. Stages can come in many forms, so you must be prepared for the floodlights whenever you step out of the house. Putting time and effort into your physical looks and style isn’t vanity – it’s communication. Don’t be timid when your call time arrives.
Aquarius Well, well, well look who’s racked up a little karma! Darling, the planets indicate good things are coming toward you – acknowledgement of deeds that have long been unrewarded by the universe. This is a time of festivity and fun, but in your quiet moments, reflect on what you have done for others, and remember those actions were the genesis of your current happiness.
Pisces Lies and deception surround you, my dear. To connect to the heart of Truth, I suggest centering yourself, listening to a Joni Mitchell record, and reading some of those books the Republicans are trying to ban. There will be many forces trying to shape your perception of reality this week, darling, but you know how to fact-check.
Barnard Street Tattler 